Rippelley The Astronaut
by Quorry
Summary: Rippelley and crew are traveling on the Compuder Mom Ship when they get an email from someplace. Thinking it might be a party, they go to investigate. Based on the wikipedia page for the original Alien movie.


Wake up wake up wake up wake up said Compuder Mom

I have a headache Said Warranty Officer Rippelly when she got out of her tube. Maybe you should have not drank so much booze before getting in the cry chamber said Gator Lambert who was also getting out of a tube. But that is the best time to booze she said dizzily.

Ok that is enough said Capitol Dallas. We will not talk any more about any crazy stuff we may or may not have done befreo getting in teh tubes.

I will never forget said Kane. Shut up said everybody, including the Brett, the Ash, and the Parker. Those guys just got out of their tubs when nobdy was looking and stood around with evrybody else in the room wth the computer.

Compuder Mom, why did you make us wake up Said Dallas

I got an email from ur gf she wants to kno when ur getting back Said Compuder Mom back.

OMG shes so annoying tell her im breaking up with her

Ok Also I got email from like a plant or somethn. U want me 2 reed it

No GTFO Compuder Mom Said Dallas

Wait no what if its a cannbis plant Said Ash

Whats that mean Asked Parker

Everyone made little pssh ing noises and made fun of him. Oh Parker what a N00b I bet he dosent no what 420 meens either

STFU guize I'll haf u kno Im smarder than all of u together. Com at me Said Parker. I know what weed is u dumbasses. Also its a planet probly. Plants dont send email. Ya fooz.

Dats what I sed Said Compuder Mom.

Where the frog is Dallas asked Rippelley.

Oh hes been a little bich bak in his pod Said Compuder Mom. Do u guize wanan go to the plant and see wats up

Ok sure Said everybody

Maybe they have weed 2

Ow Said Compuder Mom

What is it Asked Parker

I think I bork mah angle She said making crying noises

Ugh now I haf to fix a bunch a ship Said Parker.

Can I help asked Brett

No. I am the Enginer Brett.

Brett was very sad and sat in his chair while Parker went outside

He came back. I almost forgot I need air lol He Said.

Hours went by.

Im bord Said Rippelley.

Wow wat a coincidenss I am 2 said Kane.

Lambert was reading a book. Oh hey guyz I think were supposed to be checking outside or something. Sombdy sent an email or whatever so yeah.

Very good plan Said Kane Ill get Capitol Dallas and we can be a search party.

Aw no more partys Said Rippelley I just rememberd I have a headache Ill stay here

Ok but nobdy asked you Said Kane

Ur an asshole She said

Dallas and Kane and Labert went outside the ship. It was pretty dark and stuff so they had on suits with lights on or something. They went where Compuder Mom told them.

Take a left at the next rock. No the other rock. OMG u guize suck its that way cant u see wer im pointing

Eventualy they found a ship. It wasnt there ship so they thought it was where the email cam from.

We should go inside it Said Dallas

No really that is a great idea I never wold have thout of doin that said Kane

Really caus you think about doin everythin else Said Lambert

They laughed a bit then they went into the ship.

Oh dam what the hel is this They said

Its an esploded aleen or somthing Said Lambert

I was about ta say that Said Dallas

I bet it was hot Said Kane

Dude not cool Said Lambert and Dallas Its dead u kno thats necorflia whihc is rlly gross

Heeeeey Compuder Mooooommmm Said Rippelley

What Said Compuder Mom

Im booooorreeedd She whined

What do u want from me Compuder Mom asked. You brat

I want to call my bff She said

No way the connection here is really bad Said Compuder Mom Use email or something I dont care.

Okaaayyyy Said Rippelley. She opened her email and saw one unopnd letter picture

She opened it.

Hello people wed like to invite u to our mad awesome party here on dark rave planet. We have all the drugs and stuff u want and the music is gon be hella dope and stuff. Pls come we are so lonely. Sincerely Realllly Cute Aleen

Oh no Said Rippeley This was sent like years ago. We missed the party. No wait.

She opened Google and searched for Realllly Cute Aleen. She lookd at all the pictures and gasped in horror. OMG. Thes are all Photshped. Realllly Cute Aleen is a POSER. We haf to get out like right away or the other pary ships will think were like rellly uncool

Wow Said Kane You guize are such prudz

We will not let u sex up the aleen corpse Said Lambert. Thats just like really wrong

Fine Ill go find something less ded then Said Kane. He opened a little door on the side of the room. Dam its just the refigerator. The ded aleen must really like eggs.

He looked at one egg. He touched it gently. Oh if only u were like alive and grown up enuf to have genitals. Wed have such good times

Dude. Dude dude dude said Lambert. Dallas just shook his head.

Gasp. The egg moved. Suddeny it brokopen and a thing jumped out onto Kanes face.

Oh u want to do it liek that He Said I can dig it lets go u little face sexer. Harder! Harder!

I think im just gonna leave said Lambert

Me too said Dallas

So howd it go Asked Rippelley

It was so gross Said Lambert We had to leave Kane behind

Hi guize said Kane from outside

Lambert and Dallas screamed and ran away

I wonder what he had sex with this time Said Rippelley Oh wait what is that thing on his face

She remembered something. Oh yeah guize it turns out the email was from a POSER

Everyone stopped screaming and running or whatever and Said What

Yeah we should go Said Ash

Where is Parker. Where is Brett Asked Dallas

They are repairing the ship still Said Compuder Mom.

Guize let me in Said Kane

Screw Off They all Said

But he looks so sad out ther Said Ash

Ash u are such a kid Said Rippelley And how can u tell he is sad hes like having face sex as we speak

Hes wat

Yeah u couldnt tell She asked

That so wrong Said Ash no way im letting him in with that thing on his face

U heard us Said Dallas Take it off. Pull out or whatever it is u r doing

Brett looked over the side of the ship

Well that is impressive He Said

Shut up said Parker Im trying to fix the ship

But how are you sticking to the side like that Asked Brett

Its a freggan secret OK gosh y do u think Im in the middle of space u friggan pleeb Said Parker

By any chance is ur first name Peter asked Brett

Uhhhhh no Said Parker

What is it then Asked Brett

Its uh OH LOOK OVER THER ITS KANE HAVING FACE SEX

Really OH MAAAN thats messed up Said Brett when he looked over at the ship door

Wait he is dam that was a lucky guess said Parker Also hand me the screwdrvr

…

OK im done fixin Compuder Mom

So r we goin back in Asked Brett

Not with Kane having that gross stuff on his face we arnt Said Parker Dont look ok im gonna do somethin

Ok im just lookin the opposit directin do de do Said Brett but he wasnt actually lookin away so he saw when Parker shot webs out of his wrists at Kanes face and then pulled on them so his face slammed into the ground a lot

TOO HARD yelled Kane and passed out

Parker jumped off the ship and dragged Kane into the ship

Brett used the ladder because it was really high and he wasnt spiderman

He looked at the ground where Kanes face got slammd and it was steaming and stuff with bubbly fluids.

Gross

The ship took off and everyone had dinner.

This is some great granola bars Said Ash

Shut up the food in space sucks Said Parker And also you arent even eating them u littl brat

Aggarahgslal Said Kane

Exactly Said Parker. I concur with his enlitened sendimens

Blarhashghgs Said Kane

Okay now u r just choking said Parker Everybody get away from him u dont want wat hes got

Space AIDS said everybody nodding knoingly

Kane lied on his back on the table and started shaking his chest around and grunting He rched his back up and down and up and down and the his chest burst upen with a loud sexy gasp

How does he do it Asked Rippelley

You wouldnt understand Said Lambert

Oh yeah try me She challenged

Ok it was sex He said

You lost me She said. What is sex

We are not having this convo in mah sheep Said Compuder Mom

Just then a gross aleen jumped out of Kanes chest and ran away into the hall.

I should probly have stopped that Said Parker

No Kane Shouted Baby come back you were so great

How are you alive Asked Ash I'm the immortal one not u

Oh yeah Said Kane He flopped his head down and weakly said

Rosebud

The hell are you talking about Said Rippelley

I mean my bud rose if you know wat i mean Whisperd Kane

OK thats one straw 2 many said Compuder Mom Sombody toss im out pls

With pleasure said Parker and threw him about fifty feet out the front door

So I think if we let it bleed itll be gross and bubbly Said Brett

I see Said Dallas So we should use like fire or somethin. Do we have flamethrowrs

Oh yeah right here said Ash. Everyone take a Charmander

Yay Ive always wanted a pyrmanic lizzard Said Rippelley

Im hungry Said Brett Remembering gross stuff makes me want food that isnt granola

Fine said Parker Ive got a stash back in the Engin room u can just go get some of that

Cool thanks Said Brett

Oh dam said Brett when the aleen jumped on his back and killed him I should have konwn this was a bad idea Parker wouldnt let me live nowing his secret

The aleen which was now bigger then a brettbox draggd him into a vent

Do u smell something asked Rippelley

It smell slike bakin brett Said Parker Makes me hungry for the food Brett will never eat

Oh. We will miss him Said Capitol Dallas He was a living person and that means we gotta feel bad for him 4 at least ten seconds

….

Times up ok whats the plan 4 not being ded like Brett Asked Rippelley

I have an idee said Lambert We r gonna close all the vents and turn on the AC

Whats that gonna do Asked Rippelley

Its gonna get rid of this gross Brett smell He said

Also itll probly blow the monstre out of the ship Said Parker But its basickly win win

Why do i gotta be the one to climb in the vents Said Dallas

Becoz u are the fattest I meen biggest and u will block up the vent the best Said Lambert

U are a terible friend Said Dallas

Suck it up and do ur duty Mr Texas Said Lambert

Fine I will u ass Said Dallas

He climbd into the vent and started crwlin

Guize He shouted back

What They yelled back

I am not getting stuck, the vents are fraggin huge I dont think i can block it

I have an idea y dont u use ur charmander said Lambert

U no what I think u want me ded Said Dallas Screw u, u arnt my bff anemore

Thats fine said Lambert bcoz no wait a sec this was a terribl idea come bak down

Oh ok u r my friend again AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGRRRHGHSHG said Dallas

Well dam said Lambert I didnt get the chance to redeem myself Guess who dies next lol

Ok new plan we take the escape shuttle befroe we r all killd Said Lambert

Sorry mah shuttle dont hold 4 lil brats said Compuder Mom

Woah mom gettting engry r we Said Rippelley

Well I guess we try the AC plan again Said Lambert. Not like we have any better idees right

No way we r doin what u say u ass Said Rippelley I will be Capitol now

Fiiiiiiine Said Lambert

Hey Compuder mom I really wanna mak a phone call k Said Rippelley

Srry Rippey Said Compuder Mom All the phone ours are usd up

The hell u say Said Rippelley angrily Whos been usin my minits

It was Ash Said Compuder Mom He was talkin to his frens about how he foun a Pokeman or somthin and hes gonna cap it in a ball

That basdard gon die Said Rippelley

U liddl preck I AM KILLEN U Said Rippelley as she ran twards Ash

Why tho Asked Ash

U usd my mins and that is de wrost thing u could haf done She screamed

Oh dam Said Ash which was werd cuz his head was no longer atachd to his body.

Wat Said Rippelley

I tolt u i was immortal Said Ash

No ur a robot She said

Same diff He said

Well. This sucks Said Rippelley and put him in a closet.

U will neffer win against the Pokeman Yelled Ash from inside It is level one hundred but u only have level ten charmanders. I am te only one who can capper it cuz i hav a master ball

I haf no idee what ur talking about said Rippelley. Charmedder get out here and use flemthwer on this dum roboot

Ok so we haf 3 peeple now Said Rippelley So now we can go 2 the escape shuddle

Cool said Parker and Lambert

Wheres Ash asked Lambert Did he die. He sounded scared

No im pretty sure hes immrodal Said Rippelley so hell be fine here

Damit Lambert said There is no escapin fate

BTW Compuder Mom pls kill urself with splosions Said Rippelley

Now I feel liek a rel mothre Said Compuder Mom

Ok so me and Parker are gon get some stuff so we dont die in the shuddle

Said Lambert

They both left

I think im gon grab my sneks Said Parker

I will get the Said Lambert

The what Asked Parker

….

Oh Freg Said Parker when he relized that Lambert was relly the sarceifcial lamb and hed just died for the sake of a survevre plot

Im not gonna die to som POSER ALEEN He screamed

Everyone is ded except u Said Compuder Mom

Whaaaaaat Said Rippelley Thats crazy

But its true Rippelley Said Compuder Mom Beleeve et r not

…. I hate u Compuder Mom Said Rippelley I relly do an I meant it when i sed kill urself

Oh dam im bein rejected Said Compuder Mom I guess its time to go blow myseff up

Well Id better get on the escape shuddle sheep Said Rippelley

She turned aroud but behind her there was the ALEEEEEN

Hey gurl wanna com to my partee said teh Aleen, Its gon be soo fab and I higherd the best deejays and stuff its be so rad and ur frens r alreddy at it

Noooooo fackling whey said Rippelley I ain gon to no POSER PARTY with u

Thats wat the others sed but they culd not resist my immens pwers Said the Aleen

What aboot a MASTER BALL Screamed Rippelley pointin down the hall over the Aleens shulder

WHAT OH NO ANYTHIN BUT DAT said the Aleen Lookin behind it and cringnig in fear

Rippelley ran away to the Shuddle

U dum Aleen U kno ur party suxx GTFO She screamed from the door

The Aleen cam out of the door relly fast it must have had like a top teer speed stat r smothing

Huh Said Rippelley I wonder where my Charmander is

Theres a tim an a place 4 everythin, but now isnt the time 4 dat Said Compuder Mom

Excuuuse me MOM are u done killen ur self yet Yelled Rippelley and she ran out of the shuddle and around the corner

Dam thout the Aleen, i wudner wat i culd do now to furthre teh plot

Well I got my Charmander preddy uneventfully sed Rippelley

Im gonna go blow up now Said Compuder Mom

Oh. Well dam Said Rippelley And she started takin big steps to get to teh shuddle fastre

She got on to the Shudtle with no prollems and got into a tube but she didnt turn it on. The door closd and the shuddle flew away.

Far away on the plant the Compuder Mom blew up. Rippelley cryd a liddle.

Im still here on the Shuddle Said Compuder Mom.

Godamit said Rippelley. Im gion back in the Tube an im turnin it on 4 real. Sleep tite MOTHAH. Ugh im so done I cant even.

She turnd on the tube but before she fell all the way asleep she saw the aleen standin in the tube next to her. OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

It turnd to her and sed WE R GONNA PARTY SOOO HARD WHEN WE WEK UP


End file.
